I have made a few changes to the story and the script draft wise, after incorporating more back story, motives and comedy elements. Below are the changes that I have made.
Toby's Backstory and attitude:
To get more of a sense of Toby as a character I have given him more of a backstory as to why he's an introvert and his excuse for avoiding social situations. It all comes from when he was a child and his father gave him some advice about friends and the people around him. At the start of the script (and almost every episode after that) Toby experiences vivid dreams of his childhood which will piece together in the last episode revealing why Toby is who is is today. In summary Toby is why he is mainly due to his father and the advice he was given as a small child. This is one of the more serious and more realistic parts in this surreal comedy.
I have also made Toby a lot more sarcastic when he speaks. Though it may be a small change it brings out a lot more of him as a character, he is also very quick to anger and can be short tempered when things or the people around him don't make sense (which happens a lot).
Toby's Motive:
Before in Draft 1 of the script Toby had no real motive to join the tennis club apart from his sister telling him to make friends, this has changed in draft 2. When he meets Bobbers for the first time instead of accepting his offer the first time he rejects it multiple times. He now only decides to join on a trial basis and if he doesn't like his first day there, he can leave and get Bobbers off his back. Fast forward to the pub scene after the first day of tennis club (and the run in with the hooded 13 year-olds), Toby becomes the victim of blackmail where Bobbers tells him that if he doesn't join and become the leader of the club Bobbers will rat him out to the police, telling them that Toby beat up a 13 year old kid. Unable to fight back and completely speechless Toby accepts Bobbers' proposal reluctantly.
The Surreal Office (some added comedy elements):
Toby's office is a pretty grubby looking place, and a less than ideal place to be. I wanted to influence this a whole lot more so added a new quirk to Toby's desk and a safety hazard that is not present in regular offices.
Toby now has a companion with him called Elmer. Elmer is an inflatable man (much resembling the autopilot from the movie Airplane) who Toby uses as a "social decoy". Elmer's job is basically to sit in an office chair behind Toby's and pretty much take the attention away from his owner. Although Elmer doesn't do or say anything the office workers seem to get on well with him, making him far more popular than Toby. This is Toby's way of avoiding confrontation in the office although this doesn't work on Katie (most likely due to her feelings toward him).
The hazard that how appears in Toby's office is now huge pieces of plaster falling from the ceiling. This hazard claims two victims, the first being a post man who no one seems to car about (or clean up), the second being Elmer which causes a couple of Toby's co-workers some distress.
These two scenarios were added, mainly for gags, and to make the office a more surreal place. In the first draft the first half was too realistic when compared to the second half where Toby starts his trial with the club. All-in-all these two new comedy elements were added to balance out the script and make it feel like too different in parts.
Some other changes that were made were dialogue which fell flat at some points which should now have been corrected and shorter descriptions which meant that the script now fits into 30 pages.
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